Leading with Your Real Self (Why It Matters More Than Ever)

This week I’m writing about the link between authenticity and leadership. Not the kind of leadership that comes with titles, but the deeper kind that shows up in how you parent, mentor, speak, and decide. Whether you’re building a team, guiding a business, or navigating personal transitions, people don’t follow your image — they follow your presence. In mentoring, it’s not what you know that counts most. It’s who you’re willing to be in the room.

Real Leadership Begins Where Pretending Ends

You’ve probably heard the phrase “fake it till you make it.” I’d suggest we retire it. While it might work in a pinch, on stage, in crisis, under pressure, it becomes dangerous when it’s habitual. Pretending is pressure. And pressure disconnects. When we lead from a performance mindset, we block the very signal that helps us grow: feedback from the real world.

Over time, the cost becomes emotional. You lose trust in your own instincts. You become more focused on appearing successful than becoming whole. And others can sense it, too. True mentoring, like true leadership, starts with congruence: knowing where you stand and letting others meet you there.

Safe Spaces Are Difficult. They’re Brave.

What allows us to be real? Not slogans. Not positivity. What we need is psychological safety. Environments where we’re not punished for being human. Where imperfection isn’t penalised. Where curiosity is welcome. In mentoring, this is everything. People grow when the ground beneath them feels steady enough to take a risk.

Safe spaces aren't cosy. They mean honest. They allow for disagreement, repair, and truth-telling. Without them, even the best mentoring tools fall flat. With them, trust takes root and with trust comes growth.

Across Every Role: The Same Face Beneath the Hat

Whether you’re leading a business or a dinner table, people don’t need you to be perfect. They need you to be consistent. In my own life, I’ve played many roles: as a parent, founder, mentor, partner, and friend. The texture of each role may change, but the thread must remain: show up real.

As a Parent, I’m no longer the manager. I’m the consultant. My children teach me as much as I teach them.

• As a Leader, I lean on my team’s strengths, not pretend I have them all.

• As a Mentor, I don’t control outcomes. I create connection.

• As a Partner, sometimes I lead, sometimes I follow. Our relationship leads us both.

• As a Friend, I fail at consistency. Yet I show up where it counts.

Being Seen Without Falling Apart

A common question I hear: “When is it safe to be vulnerable?”

It’s a wise one. Vulnerability without clarity feels like chaos. But grounded vulnerability — offered with awareness and self-respect deepens trust. It shows others what leadership really looks like when you don’t have all the answers.

The paradox? You’re respected not because you’re perfect, but because you’re present.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: Isn’t authenticity risky in a competitive world?

A: The bigger risk is disconnection. Authenticity builds trust and trust is the foundation of loyalty, influence, and sustainable success.

Q: How do I create safe spaces if I’m not in charge?

A: You start by modelling it. Speak with honesty, invite feedback, and let others see your real process. Brave conversations change cultures from the inside out.

Q: What if being real feels too vulnerable?

A: Then start small. Vulnerability doesn’t mean over-sharing. It means being grounded and open — even when you don’t know what comes next.

Q: Is this style of leadership only for mentors and coaches?

A: No. It applies to anyone who leads — which, in truth, includes all of us. At home. At work. In life.

Start here: choose one place where you can show up more real this week.

It might be a team meeting, a tough conversation, or a simple moment with someone who matters.

Let the FAQs above guide you. Come back to them when you need a compass.

Because in a world of polish, your presence is what cuts through.